My elder brother...

i guess my frens ard me will seldom hear me talk about my elder brother...
most of the time i will only talk about my elder sister...

i guess that's becos i am not close to him...
sometimes i can say i even dun like him...

cos he can be so inconsiderate...
doesn't switch off lights after he use them...
smokes n smokes n smokes such tat we have to endure the cigarette stench...
doesn't care to give my mom rides to places she needs to go to even thou he is just lazing ard at home...
and the list can go on and on...

but it wasn't like this when we were young...
when we were young kids...
he was my playmate...
and we were quite close...
we would play nintendo tog... even play soccer cos he pestered me to...
he will cheat me to go downstairs to buy ice cream from the uncle every afternoon.. and i was willing to go cos he will treat me ice cream...

i can't remember when we drifted apart...
was it when he went to his sec. sch?
when we stopped playing tog?
when he wasn't home when the ice cream uncle came?
when he started to smoke?
really can't rem le...

nowadays we dun talk much to each other...
maybe a line or none when i go home on weekends...
or when he needs help from me...
sad isn't it??

miraculously...
he msn-ed me just now for the 1st time...
i tot he wanted to ask me for some help again...
but he didn't... he just wished me good luck for my exams...
he told me to work hard... told me to jiayou...
i was suddenly overwhelmed by alot of feelings...
i was gan dong-ed even thou it was a simple wishing from him...

but it wasn't simple cos it was from him...
the first time...

how many times have i said something like this to him?
none... guilty to say this.. but true... none...
so i cried...
and cried until my tissue box is empty.. sorry to earth but ya.. i used alot of tissues... tap cant stop flowing...

when he was so emotionally distraught...
i din provide any emotional support to him...
all these years he didn't tok to me... to us...
was it becos he didn't know what to say anymore?
cos we always seem so pre-occupied with our own things...
i just shrug him off whenever he tried to talk abit of those nonsensical stuff with me...
i just saw his bad side...
did i even try to understand why? i didn't...

now i reflect on this...
i tink i am a bad sister...

he wont get to see this..
but i am sorry...
for being an awful younger sister...
i will try to improve...
even thou i know we wont be bac to as close as we were when we were young...
i will try to be a better sister ba...
even thou i'm not sure wat i can do...
just try ba... =)